I’m a HemoDialysis Ghost

Now for something completely different, from googleMWgalaxy42.com, dated 29 June 2019.

I’m a Hemo Dialysis Ghost and I’m OK

A couple of weeks ago the bosses at the HDGhosts.com asked us to write a review of our job for their recruitment website (for money!).  Here’s my review.

I’m getting ready for my fifth session as a HD Ghost.  So far it’s been an OK  job.  Not exactly hard work, though it does take a day or two until you feel well again after each session.  But the pay is pretty good, and since it’s the first real job I’ve ever had, and I’m 28, and my dad has never had a job, I’ll stick at it for a while yet.

I wasn’t sure when I first saw the video calling for HD Ghosts flash up on my YouFacePage.  The money was the thing that got me in: pretty good for just an hour’s work – and more than most people get for a day or two mowing lawns or hitting the phones at the call centre.

There had to be a catch, so I hit the More Details button, and there was.  The girl who told me about the job said that I had to have blood tests to make sure I was compatible, a couple of days training and a small operation, called the Buzz, on my arm.  They would pay me for that too, and give me an allowance for the month I had to wait until I could start.  I also had to stick to a fairly simple diet two days before each session.

I wasn’t sure, but the money looked awfully good…

I hit the Review button and searched GalNet to see what people who were already HD Ghosts said.  Guys and girls all said it was for real, that the money as real and it was a regular job. They said the Buzz was no big deal, they were looked after pretty well, and the people running it were nice.

So I hit the Accept button.

I had the Buzz operation two days later, on my left arm.  I was awake the whole time, with just my arm asleep.  It didn’t hurt at all.  I felt a little strange though.  A little scared and maybe a bit upset with myself.  I don’t know exactly why I felt that way.

I could feel the Buzz as soon as the main bandage came off.  Just touching the spot where the cut was made – a small vibration, that pulsed on and off with my heartbeat.  It was cool and scary at the same time.  The doc who did it said it just meant that the vein was growing bigger, so it could take the needles.  Everyone in the job has the Buzz.

The next month went by fast.  I did pretty-well not much at first.  I had enough money from the Buzz and the allowance, so I ate and drank, hung out, surfed GalNet and watched videos.  In the last week I did my training at the unit, met my HD Body (Marnie, a small, dark haired woman about 60 years old) and thought about my first session as an HD Ghost.  I mostly stuck to my diet.

On the day, I arrived at the unit at 7am wearing my newly provided white tracksuit and joggers.  After a friendly greeting, I had a weighscan and it directed me to room 2.  There was Marnie, now in a pink tracksuit.  There were two reclining chairs in the room, one each side of a blood pump about the size and shape of a big shoebox.  Plastic tubing from the pump lay on each chair.  We both sat and waited.  Soon a nurse put two big needles into my arm, close to the Buzz (they hurt a bit, but not heaps), and connected the tubing.  Then she did the same for Marnie.  At the pump, she turned some dials and it started pumping.  Blood came from me, through the pump and into Marnie, while Marnie’s blood came the other way, from her into me.

As they explained it at training, Marnie’s blood is full of toxins and her body has too much water because her kidneys don’t work, so she has dialysis three times a week to clean her blood and remove the extra water.  The trouble is, dialysis doesn’t take out all the toxins, and over the years they build up and stuff up her joints and bones, so she needs her blood filtered by a real kidney at least once a week.  That’s my job: I’m her HD Ghost, or at least one of them.

Each week for about an hour, a fair bit of her blood and the crap that is in it goes into me and my good clean blood goes into her.  After the hour, I am disconnected from the pump and her second HD Ghost is connected, to get rid of more of her blood and give her more good blood.

It is a funny feeling.  Over the hour, I feel less and less well, weak and tired, because a lot of Marnie’s toxins are now in me.  I usually go home and have a sleep, and over the next few days I just let my kidneys do the work.  At first, I pee more than usual, and sometimes my poo changes color for a while, but gradually I feel better and things return to normal.  By the end of the week, I’m ready for the next session.

I don’t know about other people, but I feel OK about being a HD Ghost.  It’s simple, the bosses look after me, I get regular check-ups, lots of down time and best of all I’m in the money (at last!).  It may not suit everyone, but for me its money for old rope (or old blood!).

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